If you or a loved one has experienced domestic violence, you can visit thehotline.org, contact the National Domestic Violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233, or go to ncadv.org/rescources for a full list for help. Or visit the Show Notes Section at http://hollimostella.com
Keep finding strength in each day. Keep pushing and finding yourself again. Keep moving forward, with the ashes of hell beneath your feet.Support the show
An open letter to a narcissist:
The damage that you cause in your destructive path is irrepreable. You cannot fathom the hurt, from your non existent empathy, that you cause from your actions. Your grand sense of self importance is so much greater than anything. The self importance that is fueled by your love of yourself that replaces anything else in your life. That replaces your relationships with your family, friends, your children. You have a preoccupation with power. You want to rule everything around you with fantasies of bold power and brilliance that is a veil that hides who you really are.
You are a chameleon. Changing and shaping your personality to fit those around you. You tell people what they want to hear, in order to feed your fire. You mirror their behavior so you are trusted, to blend into your surroundings. You love bomb the beginning of a relationship to seem that you are the perfect parter, when love should be nurtured to grow. Love is not feeling submissive in your presence. Love is not isolating from friends or family. Love is not pointing out failures and flaws to make you, the narcissist, feel that you are better.
Dear narcissist, your victim is not the only one you are hurting. Yes, she is broken in the bottom of her bathtub, crying so no one can see. But you are also hurting her family, her friends, her children, which are possibly yours. When you abuse a mother, you are abusing her children and possibly their children, should they not be able to break the bond of a generational curse. You put chains on her doors, on her trust, on her heart.
First Corinthians says love is patient, love is kind. It does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered. It keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil. But rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts. Always hopes, always perseveres, love never fails.
If this is the guideline for love that is set before us, you are using your magic trick ways to fail yourself. And as a narcissist, you will always fail. You will not keep these friendships, these relationships. The games you play in hopes of gaining admiration will fail you. The way you dance and sway to keep up your appearance will fail you. Your beautiful image that you have worked so hard to create, will fail you. When you fail, you are lonely. You are left with ashes of burned friendships and relationships, with nothing to guide you. When you fail, you will lash out, and cause deeper harm, because you realize you have lost control. When you lose your control, you’ve lost everything.. because do not love the person, you love the control.
It is up to us to break this cycle. For as long as a narcissist has control, we have none. Set your boundaries. Stand by them firmly. This is in all aspects of life, because we are all deserving of living a fulfilling life. We are not meant to live by the rules of others, because rules do not equal love. We deserve to be treated with respect, and if that simple boundary is crossed, that is not love.
I think the most important aspect of surviving narcissist is recognizing the behavior, identifying their complex and erratic behavior, and learning how to cope with them. These relationships do not have to be romantic partnerships, but also a boss, a friendship, family. Some of the signs of being in this type of relationship is feeling anxiety and shame about not your actions, but theirs. You could feel paranoid about things that could be done or said, actions that could be taken to hurt you. Shame that the support system around you has to deal with this as well.. but it is SO important to build a support system to help you. You are not crazy. You are not at fault. And you are not alone.
When we rid our lives of the negativity, it is time to turn the page- hell throw that book away and start a new one. Reclaim your identity, your strength. Practice self care and start doing things you love again. Give yourself that time to recover. Note to the narcissist: you have caused years of trauma and pain to that person you stated you loved. Love always protects, always trusts.
When healing, talk about it. A friend that will build you back up, because love is not self seeking. A family member that you feel trusted with, because love keeps no record of wrongs. A therapist that can help you process your grief, because love is patient, and kind. This support system will help you on those confusing days when you wonder what you did wrong, or how you could have made things different— because the pain you felt was valid sis. You have been through hell, and now you can walk on fire.
If you or a loved one has experienced domestic violence, you can visit thehotline.org, contact the National Domestic Violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233, or go to ncadv.org/rescources for a full list for help.
Keep finding strength in each day. Keep pushing and finding yourself again. Keep moving forward, with the ashes of hell beneath your feet.